Today I felt so much love. Love for my family. Love for myself. Love for this journey I am on.
This unraveling, this shedding of my old self is revealing so much to me. I have been seeking myself for so long. I have been seeking truth. I thought I would find happiness in all the partying, the alcohol, the recklessness, the revelry. But it didn’t bring me happiness. I was trying to escape, to numb,to run away. The cycle was killing me. But I couldn’t even see it. I couldn’t see why I was deeply unhappy. I couldn’t see why I couldn’t connect properly with myself or others. I was taking no time for me. There was no connection to myself. No respect for my temple. No rest. No gratitude. No pausing. No meditation. No spiritual exploration. I was denying myself of imperative, valuable, necessary day to day moments for so long. For two years. Denying myself time. Denying myself rest.
Now with rest forced upon me, my world has changed. New doors are opening. Nature has become this playground. The sky has never looked as blue as it did today. The sun as yellow and bright. The ocean as cool and refreshing. The mountains as grand and spectacular and powerful with their ancient energies. There is so much good energy to be absorbed from the world around us, from the plants and the natural environment of mother nature. But in our daily lives, we are so disconnected. But when you tune out of that false world and connect… when you tune in to the vibrations being emitted from the plant life, from the organic matter that comprises all of our existence, it is powerful beyond measure. It makes you feel high. Like you are floating on airwaves.
I am not sick. I am finally healing. This diagnosis is healing. It is awakening. I am being reborn to my truth. To my destiny. To my power as a person.
Today, I connected with a person who made me feel like magic is real. Undeniably real. I felt like I was the universe today, sitting on the hot rocks, beside the sea. Comfortable next to this former stranger, who has instantly become someone important in my life.
I am stronger than I ever imagined possible. The light is shining so bright.